This Mom Snapped!

I have been a mom for almost 29 years, not all have been wonderful, and I have to say the year that I am in now, is pushing me beyond my limits.

I have a father who has diabetes and numerous health problems, my mother has passed away so I feel the pressure to take care of him, don’t get me wrong I love him and taking care of him. I have three grown children living under my roof, and two grandchildren, as well as one on the way and all of those people require a certain amount of care.  I have to say however some more than others.

My daughter is special needs and has issues with social ques and the ability to just be nice at times, so she can push my buttons more than anyone that I know, she knows exactly where they are and just how to push them.  Her and I can argue over the littlest of things and it ruins my whole day.  She has a 2 year old son, who albeit is a joy to have around, he is 2, and they are needy and whiny and have a lot of needs, not to mention the messes and things he gets into.

My middle son is 26 and has just taken a wife who is right now 30 weeks pregnant, they have a 4 year old who is from a previous relationship, I have raised her as my own for most of her life and the transition of her attaching to another “mom” figure has been very hard on my heart.  My daughter in law has gestational diabetes so that is another element of things that make it difficult.  She is a wonderful woman and really is so great for my son and their daughter, but if you have been in your third trimester you understand why I feel the need to help as much as I can.

My oldest son will be 29 in September and he is transitioning himself into being a full fledged adult (whatever that really means) and it is enough to make me nuts.  He does his own thing most of the time, but as most mothers know there is a certain degree of care he still needs.

That makes 8 people to cook for, meal plan for, do things for, you all know this one, “Mom, can you do me a favor?” and to be frank I am tired.

I feel like a bottle of glue that is being smacked on the bottom to get that last little bit out, the one that is done and needs to be refilled or thrown out, that one bottle that is holding every last piece together, but still has more to do, you all know that one, the one that has seen much better days. (check your mirror she may be there) 🙂

Friday, my bottle was completely empty, totally tapped, I had taken stupid until I could take no more, comments, messes, spilled water, the dogs barking, my daughter planning a birthday party, and I SNAPPED, just felt like I lost my mind.  I am trying to do this job of blogging as well as I can, be a good wife, a good daughter, a great mother, a wonderful mother in law, a loved grandma, and be a whole person in my own right and I frankly have had too much.

I wanted to drool out of my mouth and go into a catatonic state, just could not cope another minute with an ounce more of stupid.

Thankfully both of my boys knew what to do, they called my husband, who then left work a couple of hours early and came home to deal with his crazy snapped wife.  He came in took one look at me and said, “Get dressed we are leaving!”

We left and went to eat some healthy foods, he took me to shop around a bit, checked how I was feeling and told me, if you are not better we can go to a hotel for the night.  I was relieved, we ended up coming home later and I took a bath, gathered all of my parts and could go about my life after a good’s night sleep.  Thank God for my husband.

My husband refilled my glue bottle, he kept me able to be the glue that this family needs, the person who holds it all together when nobody else does, he was able to know exactly what I needed to be able to carry on in this world.  I have seen the footage of Brittney Spears when she lost it and shaved her head, I never understood it before, but now, I get it! I totally get it.

The lesson in all of this, well I should say lessons, its ok to call out sick when you are a mom, even if you are not really physically sick, it is ok to not be able to take anymore, every single person has their limits, try to know when you are reaching yours.  Your  family will survive if you totally lose your POOP (I know the other word would sound better), you don’t think they can but, trust me they can.  You as a vessel of love, hope, help and caring needs to be refilled, and you should probably do it when your half full not completely empty and snap like I did.

Mother’s are super hero’s, women are amazing, but I am here to tell you, that we have limits, we are only able to give as much as we get.  Its totally alright to ask for help and to take it.  Fight on!

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photo credit: Something Inside Me Snapped via photopin (license)
photo credit: Glue explosion via photopin (license)
photo credit: winter via photopin (license)